A New Voice

My whole life so far has been a push to get to the next thing.  To achieve the next goal.  I've been pushing and working to be right where I am (maybe not Alaska specifically, but you get the idea) since I decided to become a dentist back in 2007.  But that was during college, a place I wouldn't have been without good grades and the solid work ethic I developed in High School.  Which was obviously a carryover from that high-energy Middle School kid I was before that.  Don't forget the little me who was always fascinated by science and helping others!

Ok, so I guess... theoretically... I've reached the place I've been pushing for my whole life.  But what does that mean?

To me, it means this.  It's time to decide what's next.  I have thoughts and ideas about what I want to do, who I want to be, etc., but there's no carrot sitting out there for me to chase anymore.  Not an obvious one, anyway.  In some ways I feel like I'm "done" with what I wanted to accomplish.  And in a purely goal-oriented sense, I guess I am.  I didn't plan any further than this.  I wanted to be a dentist.  Poof.  Done.

Now What?

I thrive on structure and planning.  It's in my blood (all my blood cells are in perfect lines and neatly flow through their respective vessels).  Until now, most of that structure has been structured for me.  And you'd think that in the Air Force it would still be there.  It is to an extent, but I'm undecided on if the Air Force is going to be my long term plan so even that structure may not apply to me.

From birth to the end of my AEGD residency, there were goals to hit and tasks to hit them.  Now the goal is... whatever I want it to be!  It's freeing and a little scary at the same time.  My life has always revolved around some sort of curriculum or syllabus and has been divided into 9-week and 2-semester intervals.  No more!  It's summer time and for the first time ever, I don't really have a "summer break".  I worked a lot when I was younger during high school and college (even dental school) and I'm so thankful I did.  It showed me life outside of the academic bubble, and I'm fully immersed in that now.

The last few months in Alaska has sort of been me kicking up my feet and not feeling the pressure of performance from outside sources for the first time in my life.  But as those voices from the outside fall away into the past, a new voice has emerged to push me.

Mine.

Ok, weird dude. What's that about?  So without professors and instructors and mentors saying "don't do that" or "let me show you"... even "nice job!" and "good work!", I have to be that for myself now.  It's made me thankful for the training I've received because I have an internal compass of what I want to do and what I want to be.  I have to look at a filling and say "wow that's great!" or look at an impression and say "I really need to take this again", no one is doing that for me.

And it's slowly coalescing into a new vision for my life, one that's still pretty blurry (but getting clearer) right now.  As a believer in Christ, I am constantly pulled towards things and ideas that allow me to give to others more than I take.

Just an introspective post for you guys.  Remember that all the training you're going through is helping you develop your voice.

Specific questions can be sent to my email.  Comments are moderated so they take a couple weeks sometimes for me to check up on.  Have a great summer!

Stage 1: Complete

Well, I did it! Today I took my anatomy final and I am officially done with my first class of dental school. It was a bit weird because I've pretty much been doing nothing but anatomy for a bit over a month so it seemed to come to a very abrupt end. I don't have my scores from my test yet, but I'm almost 100% certain that I'll end with a B in the class. I needed a 98-100% to get an A, so I can bet that didn't happen. We start up again August 18th will our fall classes, so I have a small little break and I hope to let of some steam and just hang out (and maybe study ahead?) until then.

A quick word about grades for everyone...

I was the kind of guy that HATED getting B's in college and I managed to stay in the A range all but twice. In dental school your mindset has to change a little because it's just not the same game anymore. Not only are your classmates far more intelligent/hardworking than your peers in undergrad, there is more material in less time and it's often more difficult. You've made it to dental school, and now all you have to do is pass to become a dentist. If you get bent on getting A's, you'll kill yourself trying to get them. Now, with that, you need to do your VERY BEST to get good grades if your intent is to specialize. As another side note, getting a C is alright, but odds are you know much less than people making A's and B's and thus, theoretically, they'll be a better dentist. In reality though, just relax and do your best. Remember, your best is ALWAYS good enough!

My 3rd reimbursement came in the other day (for health insurance) as well as my 2nd stipend. All of my tuition/fees for the fall have been deferred and everything is still running unbelievably smoothly. I had my doubts coming into this thing, but I'm truly blown away with how great the Air Force has been. I just e-mailed out a reimbursement for my fall semester books so I'll keep you all updated on how that goes. So far, it looks like it's taking roughly 20 days to get money from a reimbursement from the time I send it to AFIT and the time the money appears in my bank account.

(AFIT stands for Air Force Institute of Technology. They are my point of contact while I'm on scholarship. In other words, they handle everything other than my stipend stuff)

Off to do a whole lot of nothing for a while!