A New Voice

My whole life so far has been a push to get to the next thing.  To achieve the next goal.  I've been pushing and working to be right where I am (maybe not Alaska specifically, but you get the idea) since I decided to become a dentist back in 2007.  But that was during college, a place I wouldn't have been without good grades and the solid work ethic I developed in High School.  Which was obviously a carryover from that high-energy Middle School kid I was before that.  Don't forget the little me who was always fascinated by science and helping others!

Ok, so I guess... theoretically... I've reached the place I've been pushing for my whole life.  But what does that mean?

To me, it means this.  It's time to decide what's next.  I have thoughts and ideas about what I want to do, who I want to be, etc., but there's no carrot sitting out there for me to chase anymore.  Not an obvious one, anyway.  In some ways I feel like I'm "done" with what I wanted to accomplish.  And in a purely goal-oriented sense, I guess I am.  I didn't plan any further than this.  I wanted to be a dentist.  Poof.  Done.

Now What?

I thrive on structure and planning.  It's in my blood (all my blood cells are in perfect lines and neatly flow through their respective vessels).  Until now, most of that structure has been structured for me.  And you'd think that in the Air Force it would still be there.  It is to an extent, but I'm undecided on if the Air Force is going to be my long term plan so even that structure may not apply to me.

From birth to the end of my AEGD residency, there were goals to hit and tasks to hit them.  Now the goal is... whatever I want it to be!  It's freeing and a little scary at the same time.  My life has always revolved around some sort of curriculum or syllabus and has been divided into 9-week and 2-semester intervals.  No more!  It's summer time and for the first time ever, I don't really have a "summer break".  I worked a lot when I was younger during high school and college (even dental school) and I'm so thankful I did.  It showed me life outside of the academic bubble, and I'm fully immersed in that now.

The last few months in Alaska has sort of been me kicking up my feet and not feeling the pressure of performance from outside sources for the first time in my life.  But as those voices from the outside fall away into the past, a new voice has emerged to push me.

Mine.

Ok, weird dude. What's that about?  So without professors and instructors and mentors saying "don't do that" or "let me show you"... even "nice job!" and "good work!", I have to be that for myself now.  It's made me thankful for the training I've received because I have an internal compass of what I want to do and what I want to be.  I have to look at a filling and say "wow that's great!" or look at an impression and say "I really need to take this again", no one is doing that for me.

And it's slowly coalescing into a new vision for my life, one that's still pretty blurry (but getting clearer) right now.  As a believer in Christ, I am constantly pulled towards things and ideas that allow me to give to others more than I take.

Just an introspective post for you guys.  Remember that all the training you're going through is helping you develop your voice.

Specific questions can be sent to my email.  Comments are moderated so they take a couple weeks sometimes for me to check up on.  Have a great summer!

From birth to college

Here is a quick rundown of my journey to college...

From my birth in 1987 to the end of high school:

From when I was born to about 4 or 5 years old, we lived in a house in Summit Place in OKC, OK. We then moved to a new house... in the same neighborhood... and were there for many many years...

In elementary school, I was the smart kid who played soccer every single day at recess. I was always very small and fast, and that worked to my advantage quite nicely on the playground. I remember wanting to be an astronaut when I grew up but that didn't happen. I heard astronauts had to be good at math and I wanted no part of that.

My most vivid memory from elementary school was when my kindergarten teacher sat me down and had a talk with me after I got caught stealing 'tickets', the currency of choice in a kindergarten class.

I was also in a Farm Fresh commercial when I was in kindergarten... oh the good old days...

As for middle school, this is my super awkward stage. I was pretty shy and just sort of weird, but I guess it all worked out. I had a massive growth spurt in 7th grade but sadly that was about all the growing I've ever done. I grew quickly and it gave me some knee issues, but I managed. I quit soccer before 8th grade to pursue football. My new dream: play in the NFL.

My most vivid memory from middle school was during PE class in the morning of September 11, 2001. They called off PE for the day and let everyone watch the news for a couple hours. It was the most unbelievable thing I had ever seen and I'll never forget what it felt like to watch those towers fall.

In high school, things pretty well went according to the generic 'high school kid' template. I played football, had a few girlfriends, and spent far too much time watching TV and eating. High school football probably had the biggest impact on me because it showed me what working hard over a long period of time can bring you. It made me appreciate doing something for the long-term rather than just doing it for instant success.

My most vivid memory from high school was when I tore my ACL days before our first scrimmage sophomore year. I had to sit out the entire year and had to play with a knee brace for all of my Junior year. This pretty much cut out all hopes of the NFL thing, so I refocused again. This time, I decided I wanted to be an architect... but as I'll explain later in the college post, that didn't really pan out either...